VAMPIRE, dictionary definition: (pronounced vam’pir) a dead being that leaves its grave to feed on the living.
Vampires have existed for thousands of years. The first known record is in ancient Greece during the 8th century BC.
Some think vampires are mythological creatures, existing only in literature and folklore, others know better.
In 1734 the German scholar, pastor , historian and self proclaimed expert on vampirism, Michael Ranfts, published the first serious paper on vampires based on his own investigations.
The same year, the word ‘vampyr’ entered the English language.
According to Vampires.com, a website dedicated to the vampire culture, there are several ways to identify your neighbour, friend, colleague or a loitering stranger at night, as a vampire.
Remember, vampires look like everyone else, most of the time.
- Notice the people around you and look out for those who truly have repulsive teeth and fetid breath. Vampires are not concerned with oral hygiene.
- Look at the teeth, elongated or pointed ‘canine’ or front teeth may indicate vampirism. If fangs are visible, then you need to get as far away from that person as possible.
- A vampire’s skin is much colder and paler than the average human body temperature. Try and find out by casually touching their skin, if safe to do so, or offer to shake their hand in greeting, also taking note of particularly long fingers and talons.
- When someone is injured and a suspected vampire is offering first aid, observe if their focus is more on the wound itself rather than the person’s welfare, as vampires have an unhealthy fascination with blood.
- If the opportunity arises, ask in a casual manner if they have a blood donors card (not having a donors card is not conclusive evidence of vampirisim).
- When being kissed by a possible vampire, for example on a first date, have they bitten you on the neck hard enough to draw blood?
- Is the person affected by sunlight? A good trick is to coax them into the sun and see if their skin blisters.
- A vampire’s home will always be kept dark with the curtains or shutters closed during the day. Do not confuse this with someone working nights.
- Be wary of friends or acquaintances who have a holiday home or timeshare in the Carpathian Mountains and are eager for you to join them for a long weekend.
- They can smell blood and will react immediately to the sight or smell of spilt blood, becoming agitated and very demanding.
If you know what to do and what to look for, vampires should be relatively easy to identify. Most vampires react to garlic, do not cast a reflection in a mirror, will retreat from sunlight and cringe and cower when confronted with holy water or a crucifix.
Do Not Invite A Vampire Into Your Home.
A vampire can enter any building they like (except churches, obviously), but needs to be invited into where you live.
Once a vampire has been invited into a home, they cannot be uninvited, so don’t waste precious minutes insisting they leave. According to those who know about this phenomena, it is all to do with the ‘threshold’ point of entry. The ‘threshold’ acts as a barrier to supernatural energy and can only be breached by invitation of the occupier.
Never Enter A Vampire’s Dwelling.
Traditionally, most vampires live in mountain top castles, dilapidated mansions with a long lease taken by person(s) unknown or graveyard crypts and mausoleums. The majority of suburban residents have nothing to worry about, unless the large detached house next door that has been empty for as long as anyone can remember, is suddenly illuminated by candle light in certain rooms ad there is an old hearse in the driveway.
The President of the Vampire Hunters Association UK, Doctor Dirk Van Helsing (Retired), great grandson of Professor Abraham Van Helsing, who famously ended Count Dracula’s reign of terror in 1897 states, “there can only be one reason and one reason only to enter the lair of the Nosferatu and that is to kill the beast, but remember, never enter as the sun is setting or after midnight”.
Her Majesty’s Government Advice.
Surprisingly, there is no government advice available as to what the best course of action to take if confronted by or residing next door to a vampire.
How To Kill A Vampire.
Above is a typical ‘tool box’ with everything a vampire hunter would need.
As emphasised by Doctor Van Helsing in his Sunday Times bestseller, Confessions of an Impaler, there is much preparation in hunting and killing vampires and such a task should be left to experts accredited to The Vampire Hunters Association. Nonetheless, the Doctor’s book provides life saving tips for the layman, listing basic tools and the need for a strong stomach.
There are only four ways to kill a vampire (bearing in mind they are already dead):
1: Stake through the chest.
Garlic, Holy water and crucifix’s will only act as a temporary deterrent to ward off a vampire attack and would probably enrage the monster even more, but may give you vital seconds to reach for an axe or Molotov cocktail which you should have with you.
Vampires are nocturnal predators who feed solely on human blood. They have supernatural strength, speed and agility. They possess hypnotic powers with a mesmerising stare that can render the unprepared victim into a trance.
Finally. to quote Doctor Dirk Van Helsing, from his controversial appearance on BBC’s Newsnight on 31st October 2017, “vampires do not just appear on the streets at Hallowe’en, they live amongst us, watching and feeding and have done so since the dawn of mankind”.
Reference sources: ragingswan.com, pitlanemagazine.com, vampires.com.
All photos courtesy of Google Images.